Kelsey Its A Wild World

dont worry, i’m still alive
April 28, 2010, 4:07 am
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a change of pace from my last blog….wow i read it and even i was scared. its not as bad as it may seem. i promise…i’m just an emotional wreck this week, lord help me.

work helped tonight, i got called in by my fabulous roomie, and now i have a permanent shift with her on tuesdays 🙂 its gonna be fun. i really like working, i like feeling like i’m being productive, and being busy is a good feeling for me. it helps me not be depressed and bored all the time.

i hope this weekend is fun. hopefully em dunn on thursday, work friday, mom saturday, then boyfriend sunday. if all goes according to plan. anyways, its been a long day, so i’m gonna settle down with indian food, vitamin water, and millionaire matchmaker

i love you.


April 27, 2010, 7:04 pm
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for now, there is no “i” in happyness. thats how i feel, and i cant stop thinking about it. where is the feeling of spring and summer bliss that captured me last year? it is yet to been seen. maybe it will be this summer, although i just found out my best friend in cincinnati won’t be returning for the 3 solid months of nothingness. which leaves me with an even more empty feeling than i had this morning. simply put, this day sucks, it seems to be following right in tune with the rest of this year. hopefully i wont feel like this much longer, because its draining me of my once fun loving happy-go-lucky personality, something i hope to get back sooner than later. i dont know what i can do, i just have to wait i guess. one thing is for sure, writing a fucking history paper and studying all night is not going to be the key. its moms weekend this weekend, so hopefully kim can lift my spirits, i need a pick me up.

but for now, i’ll settle on cheeseburger chips and cigarettes. week 5 is halfway done. there is a god out there somewhere.

i love you.

April 25, 2010, 3:14 pm
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I thought yesterday was going to be very terrible… however, it turned out to be actually fun. my friend, who experienced her first fest at ou, did a keg stand for 22 seconds, and i was in bed by 8pm….not by choice, it needed to be done haha. accomplished night.

california is officially in 2 months from today. thank god, i need to get away from here, i just wish it was sooner… things have been a little hairy around here. a vaca with the mommas is going to be MORE than an adventure to say the least 🙂

new week, hopefully it’ll be a good one.

i hate this
April 23, 2010, 5:09 pm
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to the people i’ve hurt-

i am sorry. i truly am.

i cannot take back anything i’ve said, and im sitting here right now in the library trying to write a paper, but i keep going back to how bad this is tearing me up. i cant believe i could be so hurtful, especially to people that have stuck by my side through thick and thin. i just hope you can find it in yourself to forgive, because regardless of what anyone may think, i truly am grateful for everything thats come my way, and for the people that i have met in my college existence.

i’m sorry.

i love you.

Front Room Bliss
April 22, 2010, 4:16 am
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caramel macciato: vanilla, milk, ice, espresso, carmel on top. IN THAT ORDER….DO NOT STIR.

i got a job at the Front Room, and I love it.

This weekend is going to be fun….black sheep comedy thursday, brock friday, high fest saturday, fish shopping with brick sunday. its gonna be a good weekend. i love the people i surround myself with. although it may be few, its quality not quantity. i think they would agree. im trying to get over a cold, and it hurts my throat more and more everyday. the Sims might help me get through.

i love you.

April 21, 2010, 12:32 am
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I walk into Ping, it’s a hundred degrees in here but, I’m ready to get my workout on. I expected to sweat, but what I didn’t expect, was to take a trip through my memory simply using a small green square and two white ear buds. Oh I-Pod, how I love you. Its funny how music can do that; trigger your memory into thoughts that you’ve forgot you had. That’s my favorite part about music – getting me through a good workout doesn’t hurt either.

And, we’re off. I’ve mounted the elliptical, six seconds in, and already a sharp burn. I turn my I-Pod on shuffle, hoping a sweet tune will be the first to show up. MGMT, perfect. The upbeat melody flows through my body and soon I am “running” in tune with the rhythm. “We like to watch you laughing. You picked the insects off plants, no time to think of consequences.” My mind drifts off to me and my two best friends, Kaitlin and Emily, driving in the car with this song blaring. We’re Columbus bound. Laughing, Singing, and wearing homemade “Save the Invisible Children” t-shirts, we were untouchable, our actions have no consequences. Little did we know, it would soon come to be yet another infamous night in Columbus we’d regret—details shall remain disclosed.

Ok, three minutes thirty seconds down, bring on the next track, I’m not tired.

“And then when we get to the ocean, we’re gonna take a boat, to the end of the world.” Brock and I’s song. A little slow, Dave Matthews, but still workoutable, because it makes me think of him, which is enough to keep me going. A particular moment in my mind sticks out, this song softly playing in the background. We were driving, “The moon and the stars, will follow the car”, which is something we do a lot of in our long distance relationship. Anyways, I don’t remember where we were headed; all I remember is watching the smile that slowly crept across my boyfriends face when his mixed CD picked this track. The sun settling into the horizon, a soft smile, it was enough to know this was real love, as cheesy as that might sound. I laugh to myself, embarrassed to be thinking so romantically while I know I smell as ripe as ten-day-old summer garbage. He’d like that analogy.

Almost at the ten-minute mark, just another five minute song. Make it a long one.

I hit next, skip, simply because I cannot stand to listen to Gucci Mane, I hate myself for even having him on my I-Pod, it must be a mistake. A rapper who talks with a beat behind him, sells a million plus records? Sorry Gucci, you’re getting nexted.

Ahh, perfect, “Remember, how the stars stole the night awayyyyyyy.” Earth, Wind & Fire. September, perhaps one of my fondness memories including a song. As my legs are ready to collapse, I picture myself dancing my heart out at my Mom’s wedding. It was a wedding of a fairytale. Raspberry champagne, hot pink and orange flowers, candles, and dancing. Everyone was dancing. That’s my favorite memory of my mother, white strapless gown (which was weird considering she’s a strong independent business woman) twirling her arms in the air, as if that was the first time she had heard music. I love this song for that image alone.

There. Whew. I reach the fifteen-minute mark, which is a short cardio session, but I’m satisfied, figuring I’ll come back to my love/hate machine after some weightlifting. I turn off my I-Pod, wrap my headphones up, and smile, out of breath, when I realize I can’t wait to let my unconscious memories run wild once again.

it is all a blur
April 15, 2010, 1:25 am
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i want to be done with college. this year sucked. thank god its almost over. i want so much for my life. i’m writing aimlessly. i miss emily. i miss artie. even though artie is turning out, as always, to be a fairweather friend. i got to read something last night that made me smile. he should know that theres no one else, and there won’t be. is becoming my new friend. i’m starting to fall in love.

i love you.

ps…MOM softball tonight. i shall try my hardest.